It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
So, I am starting to understand that life in Mexico is not the same as life the in the U.S. I know, right? Newsflash Alysson Marie! You're not in Seattle anymore! Not that I expected to be. In fact, I really didn't want to be in Seattle. I wanted to be IN MEXICO. But I with all the frusteration I've been through this week, trying to obtain a new meter from home only to have it revoked in Mexico City and sent back home, then having to buy a new meter, then being told that my test strips were going to be in stock today and going to buy them and not having them be there. So, that pharmacy told me to go to WalMart. umm...how? So I came back and my RA rode downtown and gave the taxi driver directions to WalMart because I hadn't used a cab here yet. But my cab driver was nice at least. So, at WalMart, they did not have my test strips after all. Of course not. Why would it be that simple? So I told the pharmacist that the other store sent me here because you told them you had the strips. And she went and asked another pharmacist about it, and then reported to me: We will have more on Monday. I clarified. Defeated, I walked out, my fever and the heat making me shake and sweat, and now I would have my first experience riding a public bus here. I did it incorrectly; I gave up my seat so was bumping into people; I was the only gringa on the bus; I made it back to El Centro...without the test strips.

I came inside and closed my door and sat down in a chair and covered my face with my hands. I had another first for Mexico: my first sob. And I hate crying...I mean really HATE crying. But once I started it just didn't stop! I feel like all I have done this week is worried about my diabetic supplies and tried to stay hydrated and tried to still be present to all of these interactions with the other students. I don't know why I finally was overwhelmed today, but I was. And I think it's in part because I was realizing that I really am in Mexico. And this really will be a different lifestyle for four months. And that's exactly why I came: because I wanted to know how it felt to have a bureaucracy working against you, to not know the language or where to find help, to not have the means to get across town without asking for help, to be looked at and watched and scrutinized and stereotyped all the time. I want this. But that is much easier said than done. And I think I hadn't quite yet realized that life was going to be different. Superficially, I knew something like this would happen. I knew I would be given challenges and that it would be difficult, but I would overcome them. I still know all of that.

I am however, very happy that we will be leaving Cuernavaca until Friday. I could use a break already. I won't have to think about going to the store in Ixtlilco where I will be at for our rural homestay until Wednesday. We will be in simple dwellings with one other comrade and taken care of by a family. We will visit local farms, agencies, and returned migrants and more. Then we will spend two days at a former sugar plantation to debrief. I look forward to uninterrupted time with my class. I look forward to the simplicity of it because nothing here in Cuernavaca has been simple...I look forward to being able to just BE, and be with the people of Ixtlilco...with friends and family I haven't met yet.

I admit, it has crossed my mind: what if I jumped ship? I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. It's not worth it. What would happen if I came back? It wouldn't be too bad to put on a fifth year at SU. But then I realize that I would have given up the opportunity that I am so privileged, so lucky to have. It would be a slap in God's face for me to abort this mission which I've been called to. And I will be better for this. I will be more capable to serve others through this experience. I will know myself and my faith more truly through this.

And I have plenty of support. My family and friends at home keep me strong. But so too do those with me here. The staff here is wonderful. The students are wonderful. Our program is wonderful. It has just been a bit of a rough start. But it will get better. This is still just the beginning. And love conquers all.